Chloe Ryan


production-"The Structured Ignorance" ~

Act 1 My Introduction

I believe
that we all have
an epic story
to share
with the world

Act 2 My Body

only, most people
are best entertained
by the sound
of their own voice

Act 3 My Conclusion

the whole world
talking AT each other
sadly, no one
is listening


~They are only on TV ~

I: question

just who are these people
who think
that they are
the "normal" life?

II. restraint

being confined
doesn't make the
lines any more
let go of me

III. right

I'm entitled
to have my own
from and of reality

IV. reality

do you think
that in real life
they actually
leave it to beaver?

V. freely

liberate yourself
from the ideal
that the world's
not drowning
in grays


no champion~

she is trying to make her way
she likes the gray
when it all seems to run together
so she can give it her own definition

right before the rain comes
she tips her head back
to get a clearer view
of ambiguity

in living, there is seldom
a picture more convoluted
than that of the clouds
at war with the sun

each trying to conquer
the other in the battle and
God cries over their discord
hoping the rain will cool them off

she tips her head back
as far as it will go
so she can drink in God's tears
and oil her leathered soul before she cracks

and she watches the clouds
at bay with the sun
and wonders why either
thinks they will ever win...


gripping ~

your fingers were bone white
from too tightly gripping me
and the prints you stenciled
were not a lovely decoration

there are many kinds of abuse
and yours,though metaphorical
was as smothering an experience
as a head in a sealed plastic bag

you needed to realize, love
that what you were clinging to
was actually an unrelenting need
for self validation, and sadly, I

am past the time in life
when I am willing to champion
your cause, because- in the end
you are still stuck with you

and few ever find escape from
the view of their own mind's eye
so I suggest you let the blood
flow freely again in your fingertips

and let go of the misperception
that controlling me is equal
to finding control over yourself
and watch bone white become a healthy hue


missing digit ~

lazily, I twirl
a chunk of my hair
around and around
my finger, getting blue
from the tension
hoping to slice through it
with some soothing word
that will break
the monotony of our silence
in the long hours
that we share
without joy
and from all
of those horrible things
we are thinking
but do not say
and killing time
becomes a way of life
until my finger falls off
and lies dead on the ground
then we stare at it- shocked
but thankful
it is only a finger
and not the death
of our existence
and I wonder why
it has to come to that
before we choose to live
in the beauty of our moment



the thing
that scares me most
is that you
your bullshit


Movies, Musings & Unrelated Nonsense

I think most people go to the movies
for the popcorn and cokes
and the chance to share the darkness
and feed on the energy of the crowd
that's why even a piece of shit movie
will nearly always at least break even
people want a reason to clump together
in dark crowded spaces and pretend
if only for two hours or near it

that the bills don't need paid
and the grass isn't going to need mowing
and that the emptiness in their life
can be filled by entertainment
and the company of strangers whose faces
they cannot and need not see clearly
and the soothing of comfort food
will make reality blur out of focus
and let them rejuvenate a little
by absorbing the laughter or emotions
of all the others in the crowd

I say, hell yes to this concept
I go to the movies at least once a week
I lick the butter from my popcorn coated fingers
I devour the smorgasbord of human emotion
and wash it down with an icy coca cola
which draws me a little closer to everyone
and brings me to the center
of understanding in myself
that sometimes we need to escape
in to the cool recesses of a dim room
and fill our gut with junk food
while we feel the connection to the masses
who are all just struggling to find
the best way back to the whole we came from



Chloe Ryan


      BIO: Chloe Ryan is 34 but clinging to "chick status". She has 20 poems in a poetry book "Dark Nights", has her own book, "Leaving Yesterday", published by Crazy Horse Publishing, and was recently published in The Dream People and Nirvana Flats. She's rumored to being doing something at the 2003 Pop Culture Association's Annual Conference, but then again, there are probably many rumors about her...she only admits to the good ones. She claims "life is so full of possibilities and the thrill of the unknown is so great".

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