Just a moment of your time, that's all I'm asking for. Please... I'd like to ask you a few questions. Come. Sit. Have a drink, if you like.
My name is Sara and I'm 22 years of age. Though the night my parents split up still haunts me and I possess a deep-seated hatred of unknown origin for Pink Floyd, I can't say that my childhood was unpleasant. There are no serious memorable traumas. There was no abuse. We were poor, but I was happy. Not once in my childhood do I recall thinking that my parents did not love me or my brothers. School was something else altogether, but I'm fairly bright and figured out very quickly that the opinions of morons don't matter.
So if my life up to this point has been a decent one, why am I slightly deranged? Why do I laugh at dead baby jokes? Why did I laugh so hard that I nearly cried when I heard about an old man dropping dead while mowing his lawn? Why does necrophelia fascinate me? Why do love stories make me want to puke? Why do happy endings piss me off?
Recently, I haven't been able to stop asking myself such questions. But no matter how many of these questions I ask (or how often I ask them) I cannot come up with an answer that suits me.
It wasn't the horror movies I watched as a child. It wasn't television. It wasn't my family. It wasn't school. Sometimes I think it was my 4th grade teacher introducing me to the horrors of the Holocaust, but that's not it (though that is a moment of clarity that I shall never forget). I can't blame God or Satan or Allah or Buddha or any of the other various religious figures, for I subscribe to no religion.
What is it, then? Can you tell me why some people with far worse lives than mine turned out perfectly normal and I've become some sort of weirdo?
And what about dreams and motivation and aspirations and whatnot? Where are my dreams? Why don't I have any goals? Why am I perfectly content to do absolutely nothing with my life? Or is that really as peculiar as everyone tries to make me think it is?
Can't anyone hook me up with some answers that satisfy me? Anyone?
Answer me, goddamn you!
Fine then.. get the fuck out. And no, you can't take your drink with you.
--Sara T. Biggun
